“Buried,” was the reply of the lady to my left. I’d asked one of those questions, born of some dim and distant NLP guru, “Describe you in one word.”

“Buried.”

And yes she looked, “buried.” I didn’t quite know of course exactly what she meant. But her face was essentially blank of any emotion, being so rictus straight, that it did indeed reveal this lady to be, if not buried, then wanting to be.

The exercise itself is pretty revealing. People usually choose their word well. The single word they choose reveals a whole host of secrets. And we get an insight into who that person really is. This is the point of it. My own presenting theory says that if you are true to yourself, then you are more likely to be liked. Not that this would work with everyone. If you’re Ian Brady, then saying, “psychopath” and then revealing this truth in the way you communicate will not make you terribly popular.

The ability to let people in is so important.

I don’t find it easy myself. We’re taught, sometimes through experience, but mostly through friend, teachers,  siblings and parents, that we’re not quite good enough. So we adjust ourselves to be more liked. Yet in the midst of a business presentation we need to try and be ourselves because: 1) Unless we’re a psychopath the chances are this will be as appealing as any other version, 2) under stress its easier to communicate that way 3) discovering you’re enough builds confidence which in turn makes you a better communicator.

Some people will cheat when I ask the question. They’ll say, “Confident.” Or “Purposeful.” In the hope that by not revealing, they’ll hide their true terror, so by not letting us in, manage to hide the terror of presenting. By cheating, they just reveal their insecurities. I also cheat occasionally. I’m supposed to be the leader, so saying, “scared shitless” is one I’ll usually keep to myself (and its two words.) The point is that letting us in, being a little vulnerable makes us terribly attractive, human. We like our friends because we know them. We love our family partly because we really know them. A nerdy techie saying, “nerd” – doesn’t make us think. “Oh my God, how terrible, you have revealed you are a nerd. I cannot be in the same room as you.” No quite the contrary. We go – “You are brave, you are strong, you have a sense of humour, you see yourself as we do. Can I be your mate oh wit of the IT room.”

So our lady who revealed herself as buried, troubled me but she made herself unwittingly the focus of the group’s attention. As the morning’s training progressed, I tried various nerve reduction techniques to no avail. She was clearly still buried. . However, simple improvising, presenting with passion did the trick. She was buried through her desire “not to fail.” When she had to learn her lines for a presentation then the fear of forgetting, made her even more nervous. She was a world expert in her chosen field. So knowing her story, then improvising was enough.

I didn’t need to ask at the end of the workshop if she was still buried. Her face was alive, resonating passion, fun and her own inner “oomph” (can’t think of a better word), was coursing through. She had it sorted. No longer buried. And if she hadn’t let us in, we would perhaps have put less effort into saving a fellow human being, and perhaps she would remain buried, her true personalities trapped, never allowed to surface and reveal the lovely human being we got to know by the end of the workshop.